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This is a letter to all of
the closet gays, particularly those struggling with the issues of right
and wrong and those questioning whether they want to engage in a
homosexual lifestyle.
Six years ago as a senior
in college I became intimately involved with another woman. Until that
point, I had never considered or questioned my sexuality. To me, it had
never been an issue and yet I found myself confronted with a great
dilemma. I was ashamed and confused. Parts of it I liked, but I hated the
fear of being exposed, and I believed it was wrong, and yet I seemed
unable to control my feelings or desires. I had lived a double life. To
outsiders, I seemed to have it all together, yet inside I struggled and
fought.
Three years ago, as a
graduate student, I found myself sitting on the HUB lawn contemplating my
future. I was 25 years old, never had been on a date, saw men as brothers,
but had no romantic attraction, and I had found myself attracted to women,
even in dreams. All the signs and signals around me were telling me I was
gay and born that way. I had no hope of change. Deep down I knew it was
not true. |
I knew those were lies and taunts.
Inside I was so empty and dying spiritually and emotionally. I needed hope
and help.
That day I cried out to God
for help. Less than a week later I met a Christian who had no idea of my
past or my struggle inside, yet as she shared with me, her words brought m
life. She spoke words of hope of a God who can change our nature and
conforms us to his image. I gave my life to Him and since that day have
served him with my whole heart.
Three years later I no
longer struggle with homosexuality. I am not alone. Since my time in State
College, I know at least six people personally who have been set free from
homosexuality and no longer struggle with it. Some were more entrenched in
the lifestyle than I, very open and public with no real desire to change—until
they found an answer to the emptiness inside in the person of Jesus
Christ. Others, like me, struggled privately. Regardless of the type of
struggle, the fact of the matter is that people have changed and are
continuing to be changed. We live in a fatalistic world if we believe it
is not possible to change our nature and our character. |
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Many tell me that to say
homosexuality is wrong or that people are not born gay is asking them to
deny themselves. I agree. But I also know that Jesus told his disciples to
deny themselves and follow Him. The same is true for all of us, in all
walks of life. Some have said "I tried praying, but God did not take
it away." That’s right. God will never take something away from us
unless we first give it to Him—not asking for it back. Some would say,
"That’s fine for you, but I am not interested in God." That’s
exactly my point. It’s a choice.
I’m sure there are those
who will say I’m a bigot and uncompassionate. They forget where I came
from. I know the despair. I also know the hope, and to keep silent about
the hope of change in a world that offers no hope would be the worst
offense.
To those who have chosen
the homosexual or bisexual lifestyle and are happy with it, nothing I say
will change your conviction. I respect your choice. To those who have not,
I declare there is hope and help is available. |
